I've been happily married for 28 yrs. We have 2 beautiful kids. My son, Larry, is 26 and has been married for almost a year, to Amy. She is a teacher for the 8th grade. She has a lot more nerve than I do, teaching that age group. My daughter, Shawna, is 23. She does modeling for Alix Adams. She really enjoys it. I'm hoping to see her on the cover of Vogue one day! Both of my kids work in their dad's plumbing & electrical business. They have been in business for 27 yrs. You have to excuse me. Everytime I talk about my family, I get carried away. They are a big part of my life though. Without them, I wouldn't have even made it this far.

I am a newbie (new to diabetes). I was diagnosed in June, 2003. It feels like the days have just run into each other. I feel like I'm in a fog most of the time. I noticed that I have been depressed a lot here lately. I hear that is a part of diabetes. It's hard for anybody to understand unless they have been there. Its hard for me to stay focused too, so just bare with me.

The pain with Neuropathy is unbearable at times. It's really hard to explain. The word that comes to mind is "excruciating"! My feet burn, as if somebody is holding a match or lighter to the bottom of them. My hands feel the same way. For the past week, I have felt like I'm being electrocuted. It's awful. It hurts even more to walk, or to use my hands like I'm doing right now. I also have edema in my legs and feet. That makes the pain even more pronounced. I've had my feet swell to be double their size. I'm on Lasix and Potassium for that. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Most of the time, it doesn't!

I try to keep my mind off the pain by talking to people that have the same diseases and problems that I have. I feel like I can relate to them and vice versa. I try to explain to people that write me, "I will write you back. It might take me a few days, but I promise that I will eventually write you back." They understand, believe me, they do!

Besides the burning and feeling like I'm being electrocuted, I also have tingling in my feet and hands. They have gotten so numb at times that I can't even feel them. I try not to drive anymore unless I have to. I'm afraid that I will have a wreck and hurt somebody.

Diabetes & Neuropathy take so much out of you. I feel like it's definitely taken away from me. Before I was diagnosed with these diseases, I never thought of myself. It was my family and friends and everybody else, always first. But since I've had this, I've had to think of myself in order to take care of myself and believe me that's hard for me to do. I am not self-centered by any means. I always used to put myself last. When I was first diagnosed, I was so angry. I was saying to myself, "I'm not letting these things control me. Nobody or nothing is going to tell me what to eat and do except for the good Lord up above."

I feel guilty because diabetes & neuropathy are such expensive diseases. Then again, I feel like a lot of time & money are spent on myself right now. Because it is! I've come to realize though, there is nothing I can do about either of these things at the time. I don't like to be controlled by anything or anybody. But that's exactly how I feel now, CONTROLLED!!!

I try to think postive. I really do try. When I start feeling sorry for myself, I'll stop and think, well it could be worse. Or there are people out there in worse shape than myself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Barb! And I will say to myself, "Do you think you are the only one on the face of the earth that has these problems?" (I talk to myself a lot, don't I) I think about the kids that have diabetes and that whips me back in line.

I figure the best two things that I can do right now are to take one day at a time and pray. I do a lot of praying. I did even before this happened, but now I pray like I have never prayed before.

As I sit here right now typing this, my fingers are burning and they feel numb. My feet are on the floor, burning and numb, but I can't even feel them touching the floor. It's hard to tell when I have socks on or not. I have to look. That tells me that the feelings in my feet and hands are not getting any better at all. I know what one consequence is to that. That bad "A" word, AMPUTATION! Thats always a possiblility for me. I know this. I've already been in the hospital once with Cellulitis. That is so painful. And I have been in the ER with hypo bgs, when my bg was 43. They finally got it back up and made me eat.

That's another bad habit I have, eating when I want, and what I want. Mostly cereal. Can't do that anymore. You more or less have to change your whole lifestyle around, bascially!

I have had to drive less & less, because of the numbness I've been having. I can't tell sometimes if I'm pressing on the gas or brakes. I have to look down to see.

I used to work as a CNA in nursing homes. I loved it. It was so rewarding. But I hurt my back and had to have surgery. That slowed down my dream a little bit. I worked for three more years after my back surgery, then I had to quit. I was getting so tired. I didn't know why at the time. I have a special place in my heart for the elderly. We will be there one day. And kids. I love kids. The elderly and kids are so helpless. How could anybody be mean to them, or to the animals. I love animals too. I have a big heart, I really do!

I don't know what tomorrow might bring or even the future for that matter. I know I want to live to see my grandbabies and to be with my family and friends, just to spend a few more years with them, if I can. They mean the world to me. I have built my whole life around them, and I don't see myself doing anything different than that.

If I sit and think bad things all of the time, what is there to live for? That's only going to make me feel bad. I always try to have a smile on my face for everybody. You can ask anybody that knows me. That is the "real me"! After all, that's not living! You have to think postive, and take the bitter with the sweet.

I'm no expert on life. That's for sure, but I do have my opinions, just like everybody else. I pretty well know what I have to do to live my life. But what else can I do about it but take one day at a time, and PRAY!!!

Thanks so much for listening to me. That helps more than you know. Have a good day, everybody!

Support With Prayers...Prayers do help!

Barb Gillespie
Barbegill46@aol.com